Decorated Emergency

arrr, after over 2 weeks i finally realised i linked up wrongly.. paiseh!

http://thebookofideas.wordpress.com

seriously,

i dont know why you have to do this. there were so many other options, yet you chose the same one everytime.

and then you're not the only one implicated everytime. the last time i held back from actually committing felony. but really i was just trying to protect the house. even then, i wouldnt have been the real assailant.

i felt useless the last time round. all i could do was shake and cry in anger after it. and then build up resentment and vengeance.

i dont say anything because i thought u were wiser. i dont impose my thoughts onto another person, but you of all people should be able to differentiate between whats right and wrong. i cant believe you are making the same mistake.

i was stopped from hitting that bitch who was creating a commotion.

you know what? this time round, if it hits again, i wont hold back. i have had enough of watching my back each time u make the same mistake.

i am shaking in anger.

looks like i have to watch my back one more time. because i have another enemy.

I WILL HIT YOU. THIS TIME ROUND, NO HOLDING BACK.

i have relocated!

http://thebookofdesigns.wordpress.com

but this will still be around for keepsakes.

ooooohhh my creative juices are flowing and i have already thought of at least a dozen ideas for marketing!

alternative marketing!

i hate myself because i thought i was stronger than this.

i have a confession to make.

for the longest time, i have always had a thing for boudoir lingerie.

and that, includes corsets.
ssshh.

but they are sexy. and erotic, depending on how you wear it.

hmmmmm..

yesterday at work all i could think of was jiujitsu and grappling.

and today we talked about techniques.

and then i saw tony jaa in ONG BAK 2 (its out ssoooon!!!) poster at lido.

and then i heard mubarak won gold at all-style martial arts tournament today.

now im just having sparring syndrome.

i dont think i can completely leave martial arts out of my blood.
hmmm.

arrr what is this diana stop staring at tony jaa's photos like a fangirl. where is my tom yum goong dvd anyway right when i need it.

ITS MISSING.
*sniff

i'm ashamed to admit this actually (well not really ashamed..but well) but i am A LIVE CONCERT VIRGIN. yeahhhh i've never been to a rock concert and moshed and do the stuff that people do when high. then again, i am not fanatic enough to go to anyone's concert. the last time i badly wanted to go to a konzert was when i was madly in love with linkin park.. 6 years ago?!? HAHA. so let's see at what age i will go to a konzert for the first time. who wants to bring me somewhere?? :D
maybe if tony jaa came to singapore hmmmm..


ok, i just thought of this since its almost end of 2008..
NEW PROJEK!!

i need to take a photo with all my friends.. i feel like chronicling my first year in sp. ok, on to photo collage with EVERY SINGLE PERSON I MET IN FIRST YEAR. so i'll be coming atcha guys. the last 6 years of education in tkgs and sajc was spent without a shred of sentimentality and now i dont have many pictures of those days. i am not about to make that mistake again!

diana will be going around snapping pictures with you guys when i see you.


dont run ehh.

EDIT:
Matt just told me my 20th will fall on a FRIDAY. FRIDAY THE 13th!!
akan datang: DIANA GRACIE.

:)

for some reason today, i felt in control. there wasnt anything that was pressurising me today actually. i just felt as if my lifestyle had begun to unravel itself anew.

studied with diyanah again today, the both of us slept through school and came in the afternoon to do some studying- and more i guess.
HAHA, and she's so happy today.. u know what i mean diyanah.

i went for jiujitsu after that, and at the end of the class somehow, i felt empowered- just a little. grappled here and there; i realised that i am no good at grappling, but hey, there's always room for improvement. i might actually drop by  sp bjj on monday evenings since calvin's there and get my grappling fix but i doubt i have the time. plus the gi is too heavy to lug ard every other day! anyway today i learnt something new, there's this component of jiujitsu i never did before and its called the hambo (sp?) - its pretty much like kendo, only that we dont use a katana but a regular wooden stick. sensei lee said i was pretty natural with the stick, i was surprised myself since i rarely use weapons. but i got hit in the head!

and yeah, those pills are something. energy!

my 3am sparring syndrome acting up again.. i feel contented today.

studied in sch from 12 to 8 with diyanah and shuq today..

and we talked so much. at least diyanah and i did. we got excited over so many things.
we went to meet mr siow to get details about the s.africa backpacking trip in mar '09, and man, it looked AWESOME. imagine exploring the african savannah with wild beasts roaming around, and visit the zulu tribe villages.. and, and, we do everything ourselves, even the itinery! but man, im gonna have to figure out how to cough up that amount within these months..

but but but apart from that, diyanah and i promised on doing certain things for 2009..
GAL YOURE THE BEST! :D :D :D

1. pick up watersports next year.. read : _ _ _ _ E!!!! 
2. run 10k events!
3. backpacking for gems module!!

which means we have about 3 months or so to get back our fitness to do all that, esp no.1 and 2..

let's plan a workout routine!

i needed a change of lifestyle, and this might just be it... I AM SO EXCITED!!

rarrrrrrrr~!!

sometimes i wish i had a rock for a heart.

there is so much emotion going on at the same time.

joy, sorrow, grief, hatred. all toward different people. only today have i felt the ride on the emotional spectrum. within one day i have teared, smiled, laughed, hated, sighed and now its affecting me. emotions cripple me.

yes, i have been an awful person. yes, i may have been distant and unfeeling. yes, i have treated people like shit.
i am exhausted from feeling. all over again. i am trying to change, but people judge so quickly, and there are never second chances. i've been told i am a terrible person on the inside, i dont want to believe its true, but the more i think of it, the more i think it's true. it never mattered to me if people dont believe in me as long as i did. but holding on to that principle is fast becoming a struggle. ive been told i was stubborn, it never mattered to me cos if i wasnt going to be headstrong, nobody will do that for me. but even i have begun to question it.

i dont confide easily, believe me. but once i do, i stick. and when people who i confide into somehow start to hate me for the person in me that they have come to know, it feels like i was a mistake. was i supposed to maintain a facade? i'm sorry if i was not the person you thought i was. its hard making friends if i show my true self, really. then again, maybe that was my mistake. im sorry if im the sort who would cry to myself, its the only way i know how. im sorry if im the sort who doesnt speak when im angry, i dont believe in fighting fire with fire. i'm sorry if im the sort to wander alone, i take it upon me to entertain myself as much as i can.

and right now, all i can feel is the whole world against me.
and i wont deny, there are very few who accept me as i am once they know the real me.

but it doesnt matter does it.
cos after all, im an awful person. as an individual, as a friend, and more.
im sure you regret knowing me.

I could not believe my ears when we received the news in the evening.

One of my tutors that i like apparently committed suicide earlier on in the morning.
And i am still reeling in shock.


You were so smiley- we nicked you 'teddy bear'. Given, your accent was difficult to understand and we had initial problems. and we made fun of your accent and yes, it was very mean of us. despite all that, you were undoubtedly a nice man. never once raised your voice at us despite our nonsense, and you were a selfless tutor. you gave all that you know whenever we asked.

i'm guessing work was your escape. everyone of us is reeling in shock. this was not expected at all. we were supposed to see you next tuesday afternoon after lunch. supposed to do SPSS. supposed to hear u mispronounce our names.

i wonder what went through your mind in those final hours.

nevertheless, i wanna thank you for all that you gave in the span of 1.5 semesters. Statistics was my favourite module right from the start, hugely in due to you. u made me understand concepts that i couldnt in jc. i did well for stats, and so did the rest of the class. i know its not going to be the same anymore.

most importantly, i wish i could take back all the mean things i said, even if u didnt know it.
this is too late, but

I AM SORRY..

May you have a safe flight back to your family in India.

Goodbye, Mr S.

We have lost our teddy bear.


While im at this im listening to angels or devils on Xen's blog. It is so sad.
Its unfortunate that events like this make us realise that we often take things/ppl around us for granted.

To all of you out there, please dont ever take your life. Reach out to someone in ur dark moments. No problem is ever worth losing your life over.

a meme from Anjali's blog, that lets me be kaypoh about myself:

I want you to post anything that you want under comments and post it anonymously. Post anything; a secret, a confession, a fear, a love or even your opinion about me -- anything.
Be sure to post anonymously and honestly!


Put this in your blog too and see what your friends (and perhaps others who you don't even realize read your blog) have to say.


So, go on.

a non-interesting day during academic hours with nothing to muse over and comatose to boot.
but after that, it was much a different day.

for IDEA module, we decided on a few places.

but that's to come, with photos.

ann siang is awesome, as always. the whole trip reminded me of the times i used to wander around alone aimlessly, and stumbling upon such treasures was a thrill.

i should go on one of them explorer trips one day soon.

Diyanah: BOOKS ACTUALLY!?!

for some reason this whole week.

the whole world has been pissing me off every single day.
everything is my fault,

as always.

it was that kindness and selflessness that reminded me so much.